*bloop*

Over the last few months, i think i’ve done a good job of controlling myself and my sanity. It’s now all coming to a head once again. My cousin attempted suicide again, my grandma passed away, issues with looking after a family, 2 jobs that take so much out of me. All in the name of looking after family. The biggest factor here is obviously Chris. I think for sure now that i have depression.

i’ve suspected it for many years now but never saw anyone about it. It gets triggered by stress events like Chris and money. I’ve found many a ways to deal with it and they’ve mostly worked. But on days like today, i find myself trembling from the stress and emotions bull dozing through my head. I don’t want to see anyone about it because i don’t want to be labelled a nut case. But a nut case i really am. I do my best to shield the people around me from my moods and negative emotions but sometimes i wish i could. No matter xhat i must survive, to live to see tomorrow, to see a better day. Surely there is always hope.