*bloop*

29 January 2006 @ 05:11 pm
Lonely People
I’m taking a breather at a muslim (obviously) coffee shop across the road from Great World city. And it’s still somewhat strange to see the streets practically empty while knowing that in 75% of the households in Singapore, there is a buzz of activity as chinese families move around making (polite/political) conversations. But there are the lonely people out there…

The foreigners and those without family or friends. to visit. Sitting in this coffeeshop, is a man decently dressed, carries himself well, with thinning hair. He wears pretty funky looking spectacles with rather outdated circular, thick lenses. He’s tall and skinny, and has got that today-is-a-holiday-so-I-shan’t-need-to-shave stubble. He’s eating a plate of Nasi Padang rather primly and he now and then pulls a tissue out of his shirt pocket and dabs his mouth. Now and then he stops and clasps his hands together as he looks into some distant vision and chews. Nothing extraordinary about this man except a deep look of loneliness, both resolute and desolate at the sane time. He doesn’t need my pity nor anyone elses but I still wonder “what’s up?” as he takes in his surroundings and watches the people come and go into this coffee shop; there’re the young couples, parents both young and old and their offspring. He chews slowly like someone who relishes his food, someone who’s watching the world pass by. What’s up, indeed.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.hexlet.com/]

Current Mood: sleepy
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24 January 2006 @ 02:47 am
of past pain and self destruction
An extreme few number of people know of my past paths of self destruction and desolate pain. I speak nothing of it these days, preferring to use those past emotions as tools towards self awareness instead of reasons to strike out. I’ve struck out too much as it is in the past. Vengence is a powerful emotion, but like phosphorous in hot water, it burns bright, hot and short. Lonliness is more like a slow burn, meticulous and tedious at the same time, like a cancer that eats you away from the inside. Faithlessness is a desolation greater than the sea of tranquility, the vastness of Space. All that led to one thing in the past — Angst. That then led to Anger, and eventually imploded to Wrath. Indeed one of the original 7 sins and one Sin I am most guilty of in the past. Wrath leads to Hate. I hated Life, I hated Them, I hated me. I Hated. But Hate got me nowhere. At some point I learned to begin to stop hating. I won’t go back. I won’t go back to that desolation, that pain, nor to the paths of intended self destruction. I will not hate.

“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose sitting in that chair, watching mind numbing spirit crushing gameshows, wondering who the fuck yer are on a sunday morning…. Choose Life.”

Current Mood: contemplative

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.hexlet.com/]
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24 January 2006 @ 01:43 am
My Baby’s Back!
9 years after it left my hands I’ve finally gotten it back. This was the guit that I had when i was in school. It’s been on a very very long journey. Nag borrowed it from me way back in 97, and it’s been to Birmingham, London, France. It’s been stored behind doors, in closets, and cupboards and even hung up on the wall as decor for a gay couple that Nag rented a room from! It’s been played by my old friend Leon, and forgotten by Nag that he left it with Leon. Leon really took care of it… wiped it down, cleaned it, played it, restrung it. It’s been fantastic and it’s great just having it back again. This was the guitar that I lugged around in JC. Instead of my files and books, I lugged my guitar bag and this baby was in it! Wheeeee!

I had a pretty good day today… well it was shitty at first but I met up with and old Scout of mine and we yapped and yapped in the evening. He just might be my first recruit. Then I went to meet Nag and we yapped for 3.5 hours. It was excellent just catching up with and old friend. Wow. It’s been 13 years since we were classmates. I heard the story of his grandpa and stuff back in Sri Lanka. That was excellent and a real inspiration.

Current Mood: satisfied

I’ve been thinking and thinking, mulling things over in my head since I left the house. Why do we as human beings choose to judge people and be judgemental? Do we have a right? On what basis do we have a right to say, “that is a satanic act, or “that is a symbol of the devil.” What benchmark do we use? Does the Bible not say, “Do not judge.”? Does it not also say, that we have to keep our own houses in order first? And that we have to “take that plank out of” our own eyes before we point out that “speck of dust” in our brothers? Life is already a struggle when we consider our own houses, that being not just, literally, our own homes, our own families but as well, ourselves. On a most fundamental of levels, it the chaos within ourselves that we must first sort out, then and only then should we begin to bring to order the hearts of others. Surely we must believe that we can multi task enough to help others but can we truly say that I am (near) perfect so I can judge you? Are we all not waiting for Judgement day to arrive? What has happened to Humilty, not just false humility for the sake of garnering comments such as “wow, that man is so humble,” but true Humility where we do not, in any small way believe, that we are entitled in that way referred to.

“oh gawd. jooles is being excessively noble again.” Yes indeed. Comments as such, I have already deemed as inevitable, and therefore, as far as possible, I shall not judge, nor even attempt to.1 I am not perfect, not even close to near-perfect. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say I was -100. I remember Lama said to me once, about 10 years ago, (when I asked him if I was “sway.”) “Let’s put it this way, if I have one in ten chance of winning 4D, you have minus 100.” That said, I do honestly believe that my greatest failing is my ego, which then leads to my being arrogant.

But returning to the argument at hand; let me bring in my first guest Logician — the venerable Mr. Spock of the Federation Starship Enterprise.

a) (The Bible says that) worshipping idols is wrong.
b) (The Church interprets this as:) having any figurine or symbol of a figurine is wrong.
c) (The Church also interprets,) “wrong,” as ungodly, un-christ-like, and therefore Evil.
d) Evil stems from the Devil aka Lucifer, aka The Fallen Angel aka Satan.
e) any act of Satan is Satanic.
———–
Now we bring in another venerable (half) Vulcan - Lt Commander Tuvok of the Federation Starship Voyager.
therefore:
a) any evil act is Satanic
b) worshipping idols is Satanic
c) having any figurines or symbols of any sort (especially those depicting religious characters) is idol worshipping
d) which then implies that religions that practice having an alter where candles and offerings are made are Satanic. These would therefore include, the Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists, Anglicans, Catholics, the Jewish and hey, a lot more.

Oh dear, what have our Vulcan guests gone and done? They’ve opened a veritable Pandora’s box, haven’t they? But wait, aren’t the religions mentioned above older than Christianity? Ah. Ok so hmm, what shall we do? I know. Let’s help spread the Word. Force the people to denouce their Faiths. Condemn them all for being evil, oops, I meant Evil. No, that’s not right — Satanic.

Hooray for the Crusades, afterall we could do with a little more rape and pillage, all in the name of God. Hooray too, for ethnic cleansing — Let’s all make Adolf Hitler a saint. Saint Hitler or Saint Adolf… it just rolls of the tongue and they do have a nice ring to it doesn’t it? What we need is another Bosnia/Croatia, perhaps a Concentration camp or 2 would be a nice dollop of cream on the cake. Indeed, it’d be nice to have a Saint Saddam… now there’s a saintly name that rolls off the tongue. (And a living Saint at that).

Learn to Judge ourselves, pull that plank out of our own eyes. I’m so going to find that quote and print it on a tshirt and wear it church. It’s going to have the “don’t judge” quote on the front and the “plank” quote on the back. Both complete with the Books, Chapters and Verses. The shirt shall be sleeveless, so that I can show off my tatoo2.

1: True enough, I bitch and whine — perhaps even excessively, but I blog, I write not for the sake of others. And this is truly a justification of the existance of this blog. I do not wish for a listful of comments that go, “wah so deep.”
2: It does say that having a mark on the body is a sign of the Devil. A tattoo a mark and hence I am spawn of the Devil.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.hexlet.com/]
Mood:Contemplative